Tuesday, December 18, 2012

My Hair......


Recently, I updated my professional profile picture on LinkedIn (shown). I didn't think that much about it. The picture was taken at a corporate event and I thought the guy did a nice job.

A colleague made a comment on how different my hair looked from my previous profile picture. I hadn't really thought of it because generally the style of my hair is 'event driven' rather than 'planned'.

What follows is the best explanation on this subject I'm capable of:

In general; how my hair looks on any particular day is driven more by the following mathematical relationships: 


  • Length and 'un'-manageability are exponentially related. I generally go too long between haircuts, so when I do get it cut, I get it cut short. At some point it passes the ‘perfect’ length / manageability threshold, but then degrades quickly.
  • 'Un'-manageability and amount of ‘product’ are linearly related. The more up the exponential length curve, the more product it takes to contain it. Product is expensive. Thus my desire to keep it shorter. 

(side-note: short hair is also easier when you swim/bike/run daily.  Crowie is my idol.)

  • The amount of allowable product is limited in the professional environment since the only style that the ‘longer’ version of my multiple-colic (i.e. hurricane) hair that works is the look Brad Pitt sported in “Fight Club” (prior to him shaving his head near the end of the movie). This look works well for personal events (like my previous picture taken at a friend’s wedding) – but gets too much crap from the shizzle-challenged corporate environment where a bunch of middle-aged peers wouldn't know style if it came up and bitch slapped the idle Bluetooth headset out of their ear and pulled the Oracle / IBM / <pick your technology> golf shirt over their heads. Word to these folks – just because you got a shirt for free at a trade show, doesn't mean you should wear it.
  • Finally, one other (albeit, self-imposed) product usage limiter is whether I have another workout planned later in the day. Since product is expensive, and don’t want it to run into my eyes during a workout – I’m likely to say ‘ahhh screw it’ when getting ready in the morning.  Plus, as athletes, my wife and I have an unspoken agreement to forgive each other's bad hair days. Anyway - combined with bed head and previously discussed naturally occurring hurricane hair - factoring in this aspect of the calculation requires a solid background in chaos theory mathematics and is thus beyond the scope of this dissertation. 
Hope that explains my hair. I can provide graphs if desired. 


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